Kindergarten! Holy crap

Ok I know I have three months to catch up on prior to Kindergarten but I feel like I need to start with this and work my way backwards... Being a stay at home mom is a struggle. For obvious (I think) reasons. This summer I devoted my time to the boys dedicated to make it a great summer together before they went off to Kindergarten. It was a loooooooong summer and though we stayed pretty busy, we were ALL ready to be done with it. But nothing could have prepared me for the heartbreak of their first day of school. Sure I figured I'd cry, just as I did every other first day of school for them since they were 2.5, but as the first day approached and nerves crept in and just the thought of it made me cry, I feared the actual first day would be a doozy. And man was it ever. I sat at my kitchen table and sobbed like someone had just died. It was kind of ridiculous. My heart was completley broken! As a SAHM mom I DREAMED of breaks and alone time and quiet. I thought Kindergarten would be my medal for surviving it all. I earned it. But no. It was more like a punch to the stomach. My babies were gone. Away from me. All day. Without ME!!!! How can that be?? It's not right!! They're MINE!!! I grew them. And they're supposed to be with ME! And five days later as I sit here writing this, tears still drip off my chin because it just feels STRANGE. Did I spend enough time with them? Did i do a good enough job? Do they know how much I love them? Will they be ok without me? Could I have done anything different? Better? The babies that I wanted more than anything...that I prayed wouldn't die inside my belly...that i was fortunate enough to stay home with every single day...did I take them for granted? Did I complain too much...yell at them too often? Well. We have made it through our first week. Day 1 - The above picture is where Parker started to cry for the first time of the day. The teachers instructions to put their backpacks, lunchboxes and water bottles away were too quick for him and he couldn't keep up. How I didnt run over and grab everything and do it all for him I don't know. Their teacher said they're very eager to please and Jake wears his heart on his sleeve. They've cried every day for one reason or another and that about rips my heart out. (sigh)