Does my mouth hang open a lot?

It must, because I often find myself staring at my kids in disbelief. Like, did that really just happen? Or did you really just say that? For instance...

Yesterday I bought the boys a blow up pool for the backyard. We get one every year because they love playing in it and we get so much good use out of it that they usually end up popping from so much play. After jumping in and out and going down the slide 76 times we broke out the water guns Aunt Binky got them for their birthday. Now these are no ordinary water guns. They're long sticks that you have to suck the water up into and then the water shoots out really far. Think huge syringe. So Jake is playing with his and I'm sitting on the porch fully dressed and dry just watching them when he points his at me. I said, no, not at me. Point it over there. He listened! A few minutes later he came at me again. I said, NO, not at me! Then as serious as a heart attack, completely straight faced, he said, "I just want to shoot it in your ear."    Mouth hangs open.    I say, "Do I look like I want you to shoot it in my ear?!!!!!!" What on earth gave you the impression that that would be something fun for me? Really???? Did he REALLY just say that? As calm as he would say I just want to give you a hug or as normal as that would sound, he said I just want to shoot it in your ear. Like that's normal.
They continue playing and then I watch as he (Jake) tries to squirt the gun directly into his eye. He puts the end of it right up to his eye but his arm isn't long enough to reach the other end to depress the "Syringe". Is depress the right word? Anyway, he couldn't do it, so he goes up to Parker and again, serious as a heart attack, completely straight faced, he says, "Hey Parker, can you squirt this in my eye?"    I nearly fell off my chair. With of course, my mouth hanging open.

Then this morning they're in the TV room on the couch before school. We have faux suede couches in there, you know the kind where if you rub it in one direction it'll make a mark but then when you rub over it in the opposite direction the mark will go away? Well, I went in there to tell them something and I discover that Jake has used the foot of one of his Thor toys to draw a lovely picture of a person into my couch cushion. But he used enough pressure to where he SCRATCHED/CARVED whatever you want to call it, it into my couch. No amount of rubbing in the other direction was making this masterpiece go away.    My mouth hangs open.  Again.