Here's how my night went last night...

I'm asleep by 8:30

9:04...
Parker: Mom?
I get up....
Parker: Can I have some refreshing water please?
I go downstairs to get him some, take him back in and walk back to bed worrying he'll wet the bed now

10:30...
Jake's standing in doorway whimpering
I get up...
Me: What's wrong?
Jake: There's something I need to tell you
He starts to cry
Me: What's wrong?
Jake: My belly and my leg hurts
Me: Do you feel like you're gonna throw up?
Jake: no
Me: ok maybe you have to go to the bathroom. Let's try
 We try-
Jake: (howling) It feels icky!!!!
Me: Let's go back to bed and I'll rub your belly
 I sit down on the floor and we do that-
Jake: That kind of makes it feel worser
Me: ok I'll rub your back then
It's 11:00 now and I'm falling asleep on the floor. I tell him I'll give him medicine with orange juice in the morning and it'll make him feel better.
Jake: How about apple juice?
Me: Ugh, fine
Parker suddenly wakes up
Parker: Can I have apple juice???
Me: Yes! You can both have apple juice! Please go to sleep now

I go back to bed and Jake is thrashing around trying to get comfortable

11:30...
Parker comes running in....
Parker: Mom! I heard a loud noise and it frightened me!
 He tries to climb in my bed. Oh hellllll no!
Me: It was just Jake banging against his bed. You're fine. He's fine. You're not coming in my bed.
 I get up to start walking him back to bed. He starts to cry
Me: Listen dude, you have got to go to sleep. We're meeting Aunt Jenny and Grampy tomorrow after school and if you don't sleep we cant go, ok??? Do you have to go pee?
Parker: No

I go back to bed

3:30....
Parker: Mom, you better come see this!
Great. I'm thinking I get to change 7 layers of wet linens now. I'm not exaggerating, he has SEVEN layers of linen. But I get up and there's a bug scurrying across the floor. At this point I don't care if that bug scurried across his head and that's what woke him up. I smashed it and tucked him back in.

Again, I go back to bed.

6:00....
My bedroom lights up. Brocks awake and starts working on his tablet.
SERIOUSLY?????

6:24....
Boys are up
Fuck it. I might as well get up too....